Now I Understand

Sunday, April 7, 2013
I know I may sound like a broken record when I say that I'm in pain, but that's the sad, awful truth. For somebody like me who's having flares often this season of my life, pain is something I have to live with.  It's hard to explain how painful is painful when I do go through it.  I wish I can, for 5 minutes, to transfer this pain to somebody who's curious or even judgemental on how I feel when pain is there, then I'll take it back just so they will have the "feel" of what it's like to have this chronic illness. But of course I know that wouldn't happen.  They just simply wouldn't understand until they experience it themselves.

Today, I still feel a little bit of pain in my arms, but it's less painful than usual. Days like these I rejoice because I can move without pain getting in the way. This actually makes me appreciate life in a new perspective.  When you're living in pain most days and suddenly you wake up without it or less of it, you'll understand me when I say it's a time for rejoicing.  All I can utter is THANK YOU, LORD!

I wish everyday I will be pain free. I wish everyday I won't feel tiredness or brain fogs. I wish I can be "normal" again.

Looking back when I was barely a teenager, now I understand why I felt the way I did.  Why I had those episodes where no concrete explanation was available. Today, they're all making sense.  Different kinds of autoimmune diseases struck me in the past - Guillen Barre Syndrome, Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome to name a few.  All life threatening, but I survived them all.  I feel like my body is being overhauled now that finally this lupus thing came out, the mother of all these sickening autoimmune diseases I had in the past.  Now that it's identified, I can now deal with it head on.

I don't ask God why me because really, that's one question that I'll tell you you're wasting your time asking.  God has a purpose. He knows what He's doing. He knows me even before I was born.  He already plotted the path I will have to take.  In short, everything I'm going through will not surprise Him because He knew all along. And since I trust Him with all my life, I am assured that the best days are yet to come.

Friends, thank you for praying.  I also pray for all of you.  I don't need to know who you all are because God knows.  I pray that you be blessed in all aspects of life.





4 comments:

Corry said...

Hey girl. I am so sorry to hear you are in pain and I know too well what you are going through and how and why people don't understand what it is like. Been there, done that. I know that is of little consolation to you right now, but God can take a mess and turn it into gold. He can take the pain away in an instant. He did with me and I have no doubt He will do so with you as well. It may take a little while, but hang in there. God loves you and so do we. You are in our prayers!

(((HUGS)))

God's Grace.

Renee said...

Beautiful expression of your faith...praying for you, Pia

Denise said...

Asking God to remove your pain, love you very much.

Angel Junior, Orion and Sammy said...

Hoping you have more less painful days ahead.

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