Now I Understand

I know I may sound like a broken record when I say that I'm in pain, but that's the sad, awful truth. For somebody like me who's having flares often this season of my life, pain is something I have to live with.  It's hard to explain how painful is painful when I do go through it.  I wish I can, for 5 minutes, to transfer this pain to somebody who's curious or even judgemental on how I feel when pain is there, then I'll take it back just so they will have the "feel" of what it's like to have this chronic illness. But of course I know that wouldn't happen.  They just simply wouldn't understand until they experience it themselves.

Today, I still feel a little bit of pain in my arms, but it's less painful than usual. Days like these I rejoice because I can move without pain getting in the way. This actually makes me appreciate life in a new perspective.  When you're living in pain most days and suddenly you wake up without it or less of it, you'll understand me when I say it's a time for rejoicing.  All I can utter is THANK YOU, LORD!

I wish everyday I will be pain free. I wish everyday I won't feel tiredness or brain fogs. I wish I can be "normal" again.

Looking back when I was barely a teenager, now I understand why I felt the way I did.  Why I had those episodes where no concrete explanation was available. Today, they're all making sense.  Different kinds of autoimmune diseases struck me in the past - Guillen Barre Syndrome, Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome to name a few.  All life threatening, but I survived them all.  I feel like my body is being overhauled now that finally this lupus thing came out, the mother of all these sickening autoimmune diseases I had in the past.  Now that it's identified, I can now deal with it head on.

I don't ask God why me because really, that's one question that I'll tell you you're wasting your time asking.  God has a purpose. He knows what He's doing. He knows me even before I was born.  He already plotted the path I will have to take.  In short, everything I'm going through will not surprise Him because He knew all along. And since I trust Him with all my life, I am assured that the best days are yet to come.

Friends, thank you for praying.  I also pray for all of you.  I don't need to know who you all are because God knows.  I pray that you be blessed in all aspects of life.