One Step at a Time

So many things are happening in my life, both good and bad.

Lost a friend, gained 10 more. Reached my purpose, missed my target. Health progression, financial recession. The list goes on... That makes life balanced and at the same time interesting.  To achieve something, sometimes we need to give up another thing. We can't have everything we want, but we can have everything we need.

Most of the time I walk my life's journey seeing only the step where my foot is at, following THE voice from the many familiar voices. One step at a time. Life is hard, but life is still beautiful. I have experienced a lot of disappointments and injustices in life, but I know my days are destined to shine brighter because God is faithful. I am so relieved (you have no idea) to have God's promise etched in my heart.

"Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours." Isaiah 61:7 NIV

His promises are the ones that give me hope and keep me going.

Just in Time

Have you been waiting for God to answer your prayers and you feel like it's taking so long for Him to answer?  Maybe you feel like God is late?

How long have you been waiting? 10 days? 10 weeks? 10 months? 10 years?

You and I have been waiting for answers to our prayers.  Last Saturday's message was very timely because it spoke to me.  It's not a new lesson that I learned.  It's something I was reminded of. 

God is NEVER late. God is still on top of EVERYTHING.  He hasn't forgotten you and me. He's never surprised by anything that happens to us because He sees and knows from beginning to end. 

Are you waiting for your breakthrough to come to pass?  Be encouraged.  He has that breakthrough in mind and He will bring it to pass in His perfect time.  

Anyway, I would like to share some photos with you from last night.  Sorry for the amateurish shots.

With my Sis and Mom

With my chubby cheeks niece, Robyn Denise

Me & Mom

The event was a wedding that took time to happen but it happened just in time.  When everybody says it will never happen... Ask yourself - Did God say that too?  Whatever He says settles it. 

The groom here waited... for years and years until he was the butt of jokes among his circles of friends. Finally, the moment has come.

Lord, Thank You for Loving Me

I'm spending this holy week with Mom and Sushi.  I packed our stuff and brought them all to Mom's.

I'm reflecting on how good God has been to me all this time.  He has provided me everything that I need. He has shown me favor beyond expectation. Though my health is still being challenged, I am confident that God is at work and I'm on my way to full recovery.  Honestly, this has been a difficult journey.  It's not easy to be in pain most of the time, but God has been sustaining me because He gives me enough strength to function normally when the need arises.  It's not also easy to be on a high dosage of steroids because I'm gaining the extra pounds and feeling way too heavy for my normal built which makes it difficult for me to move around.  Sometimes all these difficulties would make me want to give up, but God is constantly reminding me that He is not done with me yet... that the best is yet to come.   

God is so good... SO GOOD!

Lord, thank you for loving me.  I love you very much.  

I'm Not Giving Up - Another Health Update

Just another update on my check up.

Yesterday I had my 3 doctors' appointments.  I showed them my blood test results and were quite satisfied with the improvement.  They said the results have to improve more until they hit the normal levels which I agree.  I will have another round of blood tests on Friday next week.  The good thing was all my 3 doctors were smiling when they were checking on my test results which was the total opposite of their reactions when I had my check up last March 1.

Now here's the challenge. They added more meds and supplements.  That translates to additional cost. I know God will provide as He always does. Sometimes through friends, through family members and sometimes through people I don't even know.  He makes a way.  Do I have the funds now to get all of the prescribed meds and supplements?  No, I don't, but I know I will.

I attended Victory Weekend, our church's retreat, early this morning to accompany a friend.  My faith was recharged.  And I know without a shadow of a doubt that my God will supply ALL of my needs from His glorious riches which have been given to me in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

This lupus is sometimes driving me nuts because my moods and my thoughts are going faster than I could handle.  They go haywire at times that even if I wanted to stay calm, I become too overwhelmed that I feel like I'm going bonkers.  Trust me, I hate it when that happens.  But again, as God has promised, healing is mine.  And I will continue to claim that promise until I see the manifestation happening before my eyes.

I'm not giving up!

Merry Christmas!!!

We had our Victory Group's Christmas Party last December 22 at Citrus Restaurant & Deli in Pasig City.

 With Lalah, Geline & Jennie

With my spiritual leaders - Pastor Nuel and his wife Iris

I'm so glad and grateful to God to have been part of this wonderful group. Pastor Nuel and Iris have been very supportive to all of us and especially to me when I got really sick.  My group has been praying and believing with me for my healing. 

In the middle of the program, I received a pleasant surprise when Pastor Nuel and Iris called my name and presented me with this recognition. 

Iris mentioned how I'm battling Lupus and instead of wallowing in self pity and asking God - Why me??? - I chose to believe God's promises of healing. She said I'm more on fire for God now than I was before.  

But you know what?  I know why God surprised me with this recognition.  It was very clear to me why God did this.  I say He did this because I know without a shadow of a doubt that He wanted me to do something that I've been struggling to do for months now.  I have a confession to make... I've
been wanting to take things into my own hands that will cause a huge and major change that will affect my life and my future. But instead He wanted me to be still and wait for Him to move on my behalf.  

You see, God has been sending me messages and even sent people my way to remind me of His faithfulness;  that He will indeed fulfill His promises to me.  But because of my stubbornness, I thought of doing things my way (Yes, I know how stupid that sounds). I've been planning the changes that I wanted to happen for 2013. I got my mind set on MY plans that I was ready to jump into it. I was ready for that major CHANGE.  Well, God had a different plan.  He did things to STOP me from ruining His PERFECT plan.  I still don't know how He's going to knit things together to make His perfect plan look perfect in my eyes because really the picture still looks abstruse to me.  You know what I mean. Sorry if I'm not sharing much details, but I will in due time.

Anyway, here are some more photos taken yesterday when my brother came home for the Christmas holiday.  We also went to visit Dad and checked Mom's new house.

From my family to yours...

May the joy and peace of Christmas be with you all through the year.

Wishing you a season of blessings from heaven above.

Struggles and Good News

Just came from the hospital for check up with my nephrologist.

Nephro said I'm okay. My creatinine level, although still a little bit high, it's steadily going down. My doctor said he's not worried because I'm improving. Praise God!!! That's definitely music to my ears.

Had another doctor's appointment yesterday. My rheumy said I'm getting better.  She tapered my meds already, though gradually. That's better than taking my usual full dosage. She's pleased with the results of my blood tests. Actually, some were not good, but according to her, they're not really that bad and could've just been caused by the meds I'm currently taking. All I need to do is drink more water. Praise God!!!

I thank God for this good news. I believe in my heart that God's healing touch is working in my body everyday.

I did feel a little bit tired when I woke up this morning. I know that this is part of having lupus, but instead of dwelling on that, I choose to focus on the truth that God is in control. Same goes with my work and finances. Meds and vitamins are expensive. Working can be a challenge sometimes because there would be days that I'd feel overly fatigued that I'd rather stay home and sleep. All these could be valid reasons to cause me to panic already, but I keep reminding myself that God will supply ALL of my needs.

I also know that not too many people would understand the struggles I go through everyday with lupus.  From where I am, not everybody knows or have even heard what lupus is. When they ask me what it is, I don't even know how to explain it to them. How else would I be able to make them understand why sometimes my moods are so out of whack and why I feel exhausted sometimes even when I haven't been doing anything yet?

It's hard, but with God's grace I know I'll be able to surpass all these.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"'My grace is all you need. my power works best in weakness.'" So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT

Confined Again... Con't.

Wednesday (October 3, 2012)

• Worst day of my confinement.
• WBC and platelet counts went up a little. This is the first good news since I was confined.
• RBC and hemoglobin levels are still going down, but not as fast. 
• Fingers on my right hand were beginning to feel stiff. I couldn't bend them anymore. Requested that the IV be transferred to my other hand. Also, since finding a suitable vein to extract blood from in my left arm is getting more difficult each day, the transfer would mean they would have to extract blood from my right arm. My left arm's veins can rest.
• Although dengue has not yet been ruled out, it is still one of the possible causes. 
• They brought in a nephrologist to assess my kidneys since my creatinine levels were high. 
• Blood transfusion may be needed if my RBC continues to drop. My rheumatologist put on hold any plans of blood transfusion because she needed to make sure my WBC and platelets are within controllable levels. 

Thursday (October 4, 2012)

• No blood samples were taken today. My arm could use the rest from all the pricking. 
• Started experiencing pain in my lower lumbar region. It's there whenever I am lying down or sitting. When I walk it disappears. So, I did some exercise: I walked up and down the aisle around 5 times. That helped. 
• My nephrologist visited me today. He said that my electrolyte test turned out okay. Praise God! He told me that they might have to do a biopsy if my creatinine levels do not go back to normal levels. Just hearing him describe the process makes me cringe. I don't like needles, especially large ones! 
• My cough is getting worse. The doctor gave me some medicine to get rid of it. Towards the evening, my coughing began to subside.
• Before going to sleep, I had a migraine attack. The resident doctor gave me paracetamol, but it felt like forever before it took effect. I forced myself to throw up, thinking that I must have eaten something that didn't site well. Some coloured fluid came out. Could have been the paracetamol tablet, since the liquid was orange in colour. After around 10 minutes, I was fine.  I finally fell asleep.

I still tried to smile in spite of the pain I was feeling. 

Friday (October 5, 2012)

• Woke up with a terrible, head-splitting headache. Do you know how it feels like when your sleep is interrupted because people go in and out of your room to check on your vital signs? I know that the nurses had to do it, but once my sleep is interrupted, I find it difficult to go back to sleep. I think this is why I had a migraine. I took some paracetamol again. I was able to sleep for around 3 hours. I woke up hungry, but feeling a lot better. 
• I miss my own bed. I told myself that I want to go home tomorrow, Saturday. I prayed to God that He will make all my test results show the doctors that I am fit to be discharged tomorrow.
• Good news: one of my attending physicians told me that my WBC is now normal.  Praise God!
• Mom spent the night at the hospital to take care of me. 
• Visited by friends and church mates
• Removed the IV. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. Now I can move freely again! 
• IV steroids to oral steroids.
• Had another migraine attack. Mom tried to ease the pain by stroking my head. It helped a bit.  I had to throw up and get rid of a piece of kangkong. After throwing up, I felt a better. 

I prayed to God for healing and miracles to happen. Honestly, I was so scared.  I praised and worshipped God and told Him that my life is in His hand.  I was in so much pain.  I told God that if He's going to take me now, I'm ready.  I just don't want to see my family suffer because of me.  I know they're hurting too especially Mom. I could see how worried she is.  But praise God!  I got miracle after miracle in the hospital.  The doctors expected the worse, but God delivered me.  

I may have been tested positive for SLE, but I know my God is in control.  I know that healing is mine and I will continue to claim that until the day He calls me home.  Please continue to stand with me in prayer for my healing.  Thank you so much.

Saturday (October 6, 2012)

• Got discharged from the hospital. Hospital bill was paid by my health card.  I shelled out minimal amount only for the excess.  Praise God!

Please Pray for Mom

***UPDATE***

Mom is now home, but still coughing. Dad said this should be thoroughly checked because she's not supposed to be coughing anymore.  

Dad, on the other hand, is sick-er.  He's also coughing.  It could be due to fatigue or stress.  I hope this has nothing to do with cancer. 

Oh, Lord Jesus, heal my parents. 

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I used to ask questions like "why me?" or "why us?", but when you are hit hard and hit often, you just stop asking. You just do what you can and pray that God will help you pull it together.  

Mom was admitted to the hospital... again, last December 18 at the National Kidney and Transplant Institute. She was rushed to the hospital because she had difficulty breathing due to congested lungs. I lost count how many times she was rushed to the hospital because of this.  All these were results of complications brought about by her diabetes.  My Mom had a total of four heart attacks and three mild strokes since 1989.  The doctor said it hit her again so that will be a total of four mild strokes all in all.  Not to mention that she's also having dialysis three times a week.  

I believe that God is sustaining her all these years.  

When I went to the hospital, I saw Mom looking like this.  I just couldn't do anything for her.  I prayed. And when I didn't know what else to pray for, I prayed in the Spirit. It's just heartbreaking to see Mom in this state.  

Mom in the Hemodialysis unit

Mom in her private room looking and feeling a lot better

Mom's Pulse Oximeter

The doctor said the number on the left should be between 95 to 100. Mom's is 98 so that's good.  Thank God that Mom is feeling a lot better now.  She eats pretty well, although still on a soft food diet.  She might be discharged by Thursday.  

Please remember Mom in prayer.  We are all hoping and praying for complete healing not just for Mom, but for Dad, too.  When God said that nothing is impossible with Him, I take that to heart and believe that God is bigger than any of these sicknesses and diseases.  

Take a Risk for God

Hi everyone!

As I was going through my daily readings,  I was very much inspired by this devotional found in Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc. I can relate to what the writer is going through and the things said to him by well-meaning people. I'm re-posting it especially for all those "standers" out there fighting for their marriages through prayer. This was from Ben of Texas.

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"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:4-6

Each of us are in a unique position. We see our marriages crumbling right before our eyes and our family units splitting up in such ungodly ways. Our situation, while unique to us, is commonplace today, a fact of life. Families and marriages are breaking up so frequently that it is hard to find a family that has not been touched by divorce. In the tidal wave that follows broken marriages, there are shattered lives and broken promises (broken covenant). Who is at fault? Whom are we to blame? Look in the mirror. The truth hurts but it must be reckoned with. Acknowledge your sin and your part in the breakdown of your marriage. Seek God's counsel, love, and grace and you are starting on the road toward marriage reconciliation. Stand for your marriage. Take a risk for God.

Standing (with God) for one's marriage is a difficult road to walk. Family, friends, your associates at work, the world and even your own church leaders don't understand this walk. It can be lonely if we don't take Jesus with us. Yet for the few of us who have been called by God to walk with Him in this stand, it is a blessing. Yes, a blessing, for each of us have been hand picked by our Creator to suffer for Him as we witness to the world about the truth and the value of the marriage covenant. I am fortunate to belong to a marriage reconciliation support group through my church. Such groups are few and far between.

Only yesterday, I drove by a large "modern-looking" church that had a big sign out front stating "Divorce Care" yet nothing about marriage care. In the support group I attend, we acknowledge that each of us are not there by accident but by Divine Appointment. Take a risk for God. Stand for your marriage.

I cannot even begin to count the number of times well-meaning people have suggested that I "should get on (move on) with my life." Sound familiar? In response, I proudly state that I am moving on with my life by standing with God as He heals my marriage. At times, this takes people back; they are lost for words. You see, I am taking a risk for God.

When we witness to the world (including our church leaders and fellow Christians) about the sanctity of marriage and our covenant marriage vows, we are taking a risk for God. God recognizes that life at times is difficult, yet perseverance in our walk brings great rewards. It was through the turmoil of the breakdown of my marriage that I found my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Frequently I tell people that I am thankful that God led me down this path of the breakdown of my marriage and the subsequent divorce for now I know where I am going to spend Eternity. I took a risk for God.

Yes, I am standing with God as He heals me and yes, heals my wife. My marriage failed because God was placed on a side track; He was not on the main track of my marriage. But even here, God must be the engine that pulls the Christian family along the track of life. God is in control of the universe and He wants to be in control of your life and mine. Take a risk for God.

Notice that I said take a risk "for" God, not "with" God. While God is with you as you stand, when you take a risk "for" God, you are in the front row of the battle against Satan.

7... A Year Of Completion

Seven years ago this song was played while I was walking down the aisle. I specifically chose this because of the meaning of the song and it still stands true up to this day...

For my friends who don't speak my language, this is the English translation of the song. It's not in sync with the music, but I just want you to be able to somehow understand the essence of the song.

You

You are given by God (God sent)
The answer to my prayer
So that for all time
I'll love you every chance I have

You are the light of my life
The other half of my heart
Not for a moment will anyone be able to take your place
Now and forever, it'll just be you

You are the reason for everything I do
If ever I look forward to tomorrow
It is because of you
Forever is not enough
Because every moment, every second
I will love only you

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Truly Grateful

Something happened this morning that my heart is still brimming with joy until this very minute. God proved to me again that His Words are true and that He is faithful. For the past three days or so I was telling Him, "God, you know my bills are due next week and I still don't have enough funds to cover everything that I need to pay for. But you promised that you will provide, so, God I trust you will."

This morning, to my surprise, one dear bloggy friend who's one of my closest here in blogsville blessed me with $100. That's more than enough to cover my remaining payables.

Why am I sharing this?

I want to encourage all of you that indeed when we put our trust in God, when we operate in faith, when we obey Him, when we don't lose hope and give up... God will show up! He does provide and He's never late!

Are you, like me, facing something impossible in your life today? Let me tell you, DON'T GIVE UP!!! God knows our heart's desires. He knows what we need. He knows everything that's going on in our lives. He knows our every thought even before we think it.

"You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar." Psalm 139:2

Dear friends, the God we serve is alive and He is faithful.

Feeling Blah...

I have so many things to thank God for. And truly I'm grateful. I can see how God is fixing my finances little by little. I have been praying for this for years. Now I can see developments. God has been opening doors of opportunities for me to earn extra here and there. He blessed me with friends who express their willingness to extend a helping hand when I need it. I have been praying for my friends and I celebrate with them for answered prayers. God has been good.

And yet...

My heart is heavy. My heart cries out to the Lord for help. I couldn't put to words how I feel... I know my prayers, our prayers are not in vain. There's again an invisible tug o' war going on inside me. I'm trying my best not to cry, while I'm typing this.

To all who have been praying for me, I thank you. I know that in spite of this overwhelming emotions I'm having now, your prayers have helped me get back on my feet and run the race God has called me to. Your prayers have served as my "wheelchair" at times when I feel like I can't go on any longer. That's why I'm grateful for prayer warriors.

I pray that soon, very soon, I'd be posting a Praise Report about my heart's desire and say,

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Mighty To Save

I used to hate Holy Week. I really didn't have the understanding back then what Holy Week was all about. All I can remember was I had to be sad because Jesus was dead. We used to go to my grandma's house in the province and stay there almost the entire week watching men whipped themselves and get crucified... yeah, to lessen their sins. That really didn't make sense to me even at a young age.

Thank God that changed!

I thank the Lord Jesus for dying not just for my sins but for my physical and marital healing as well.

I thank God that Jesus is risen. My hope is not in vain because my Lord lives!

My Savior, He can move my mountain... He is mighty to save!

May all of us experience the power of Jesus' resurrection.

Everyone needs compassion,

Love that's never failing;

Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,

The kindness of a Saviour;

The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,

My God is Mighty to save,

He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,

He rose and conquered the grave,

Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,

All my fears and failures,

Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow

Everything I believe in,

Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,

My God is Mighty to save,

He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,

He rose and conquered the grave,

Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,

We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,

My God is Mighty to save,

He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,

He rose and conquered the grave,

Jesus conquered the grave.

My Saviour, you can move the mountains,

You are mighty to save,

You are mighty to save.

Forever, Author of Salvation,

You rose and conquered the grave,

Yes you conquered the grave

His Loving Assurance

When we pray we expect answers. We all do.

Yesterday was no different. For several days I have been asking God to speak to me about my heart's desires. I knew He already did assure me of my stand in the past but I would like to hear Him speak to me again about these things. Do you feel like that sometimes, wanting to hear God talk to you about your heart's desires once again? I love it when God pours out His loving assurance that I'm on the right track.

I was searching the net looking for a Bible concordance where I could find what it says about marriage. I don't have that at the back of my Bible. I wanted to do this so that I could pray according to His will.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5: 14-15

As I searched, I was again led to Rejoice Ministries. I was already receiving daily devotional from them but I was behind with my reading. Yesterday, though, I had the urge to read the devotional for that day. I was so encouraged! God, again, answered my prayer. I'll share to you a line or two from that devotional. This was Bob, the once prodigal husband, talking:

"All the time God is moving, all the time He is calling out to your prodigal spouse to do what is right, the Holy Spirit is allowing glue, the cement of your one-flesh relationship with your spouse to keep memories of you alive and active in his heart. Try as we may, we prodigals simply cannot buy enough things, experience enough sin, make enough changes, nor find the replacement for you that will erase the memories of our covenant marriage, regardless of how we try."

"God simply will not allow us prodigals to forget a praying and standing spouse, sold out to living like Jesus and trusting Him for the right time."

And I thought I was already happy with that, but there's one more.

Before I went to bed last night, I got a text message from a friend. He texted me his prayer. He said in the latter part of his message, "God is already working on your husband. Don't worry." My heart was already doing jumping jacks, you have no idea. I texted him back and asked, "Why did you text me what you just did? I'm just curious." He replied, "God spoke to me and told me to pray for those in difficult situations, so I did."

Coincidence? No, it's not. It's God winking at me again. Isn't He awesome? He knows our heart's desires.

"The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer." Psalm 6:9

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Don't forget to join my giveaway. You still have four more days to enter. I'll randomly choose the winner on March 2, 12 noon (Philippine time). ☺

Happy New Year!!!

People say that 2009 is going to be worse than 2008. As believers we shouldn't put our hope and trust in what the statistics say or what the world say. We should put our trust in God Almighty who is our Provider, our Great Physician and our Rewarder.

In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" His word is true yesterday, today and tomorrow. Our God never changes. Let's focus on Him and we will never go wrong.

Here's wishing y'all...

A Prosperous, Joyous and Blessed New Year!!!

Why?

I'd like to share with you this message from Turning Point with David Jeremiah. This spoke to my heart so I decided to just copy the entire devotion.

Children are constantly asking the question "Why?" "Why do I have to go to bed?" "Why can't I have candy for breakfast?" "Why won't you let me play in the street?" Of course, to adults the answers to these questions are obvious and make complete sense because we understand that it's in the best interest of the child to get sufficient sleep, eat nutritious food, and remain safe while playing. But children simply do not understand this yet, and therefore have to trust their parents to make good decisions for them.

It is the same with trusting God; He knows what is best for us even if we don't understand what is happening. Carrying out God's will does not hinge upon our understanding every matter, but it does require that we live a God-honoring life and trust Him completely,

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways," says the Lord." Isaiah 55:9

We cannot possibly know and understand why God chooses to do what He does and how He chooses to do it. What we can do though, is trust that He has our best interest in mind and honor Him with our obedience.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Am I Healed?

A dear blogger friend asked me this question:

You keep saying you know you are already healed. Do you mean that you don't have any lupus symptoms anymore or do you mean that you will be healed when you get your new body in the next world?

This is what I wrote her (Slightly edited):

I was diagnosed to have drug induced lupus at 2001. I had butterfly rashes around my eyes and cheeks. I thought that wasn't serious. I said to myself, "Well, that's why I'm taking these meds to drive it away." Then I got married and got pregnant. I lost our first baby. My doctor was baffled how and why the baby died when she was monitoring my pregnancy closely. Then she asked me to take these battery of lab tests. She said "Let's hope and pray that it's not APAS." My husband and I didn't know anything about that acronym or that sickness at all. She explained it to us and of course I did a little research on that too. I told my husband at the same time convincing myself that "No, of course I don't have that." But sadly, my lab tests came out positive. I was devastated. I had treatment for six months until I was given the go-signal by my immunologist that we can get pregnant again. I had another lab test done. It says my lupus was active although the level wasn't high, it proved that it wasn't just drug induced but it was actually lupus, the real thing. I was taking meds and shots everyday for treatment. I got really mad at God when I lost our second baby. I said that wasn't fair!

That was four years ago. I was praying, my husband's praying, my spiritual family were all praying for my healing. I don't have symptoms now.

I believe it is God's will for us to be healed of whatever kind of sicknesses and diseases. God wanted us to be whole not just on the afterlife but here, right now. I ask myself this question - do I believe that God will and can heal me while I'm still here on Earth? My answer is YES. And so I live my life believing that I'm already healed. Do I know for sure that I am healed? My answer is YES and NO. YES, because I know my God. He is my healer and our great physician. NO, because I have yet to get pregnant again and I haven't had any lab test done in years.

I cling on to God's promise that I will bear my husband children. I refuse to live in fear. It's not denying the sickness or pretending it didn't exist. I just chose to focus on what God can and will do for me as His child. If I believe God can heal people (He did it to others and He can certainly do it to me too because God is no respecter of persons) then I have to live a healed life. If my doctor tells me to take meds, I don't see why not because God can also use meds and doctors to heal me. But that wouldn't change my perspective of healing. I'd still believe that God had already healed me and manifestation is at hand.

Prayers we utter in faith are very powerful, that I believe. We may not see any manifestation yet but believe in your heart that it is God's will for you to be healed. I was once told that instead of talking about your problem, why not talk about how mighty and powerful your God is and that He can turn things around for you SUDDENLY.

It's not easy and people think we're in denial but you know, we need not please others just to look NORMAL in their eyes. It makes a whole lot of difference when we please GOD because He can and will certainly make us NORMAL inside and out.

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Never give up on God and He will amaze you. My question is this:

Do you have faith that God can and will heal you right here right now?

...According to your faith will it be done to you." Matthew 9:29

God Knows

I still feel sad and lonely even when my walk with God has improved tremendously. This has troubled me in the past because I thought I wouldn't feel sadness and loneliness anymore since I have God anyway. I realized that as ideal as that may sound, I'm still very much human. In as much as I want to lay in bed every night with a smile on my face and a light, refreshing thought that could lull me to sleep, tears still flow down my cheeks. No matter how busy I am with work, even if I put a happy face once in a while, God can tell what's inside my heart. God knows.

Yes, I'm thankful for the joy God has put in my heart as I walk with Him in the path He has chosen for me. Gone are the rough roads I painstakingly took in my own effort to find happiness. I've realized that there's no shortcut in the road God wanted me to take. I've realized that everything that's happening in my life has been predestined by my Father in heaven. God knows.

As I wait upon God's perfect timing to bring deliverance to my situation, I persevere. I PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens). I hold on to God's promises hoping to see "a cloud as small as a man's hand" (1 King 18:44) one day. I do get tired of waiting. I do get exhausted. God knows.

I have questions in my head, so many of them. People love to ask the why's, but I don't know the details. I don't have the answers, but... God knows.

All these will pass. Questions answered. Lives changed. God's promises coming to pass. Victory attained. This I know.

With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies." Psalm 108:13

Celebrate God's Healing

Yesterday's message at church spoke to my heart and I'm sure to a lot of others too. As Christians, we don't always understand everything that's happening in our lives. And we always try to find some explanations to it instead of just trusting God. I was guilty of that and I guess I still do sometimes. I'll give you one personal example. Both my husband and I are Christians and I'm sure that it was God who brought us together. If so, why then are we in this pit? Why am I experiencing such pain? Did I do something really bad that God is punishing me now? Or is my husband in some sort of a curse because of his family? The answer is NO!

Pastor Rico said this... "It's not the REASON but the PURPOSE." It's not because God is mad at us that we're going through this. That's not the reason. Maybe He's also trying to teach us patience and total trust in God Almighty. But more than anything else, He allowed us to go through this road because God wants to deliver us and for Jesus' name to be glorified. What seems impossible with men is possible with God and when He makes the impossible possible, His name will be glorified.

Next question is HOW is He going to deliver us from this? That's not our problem, it's His. Our job is to obey what God is telling us to do. Obedience to God's Word validates our faith.

Pastor Rico said this... "It's not the MANNER but the MESSAGE." There is no fixed formula that we can follow to get us through the other side of the mountain. God works in our lives differently. Just like how Jesus healed in the Bible times, it's different each time. God can heal a person instantly, but for another person he should probably take meds and go through procedures first then he will be healed. God uses doctors and medicines too to get healing across. The same is true for healing hurting marriages. The important thing is not the manner in which we receive healing but the message it brings about when we are healed. We point back to God as our miracle giver. The glory should be His and His alone. It's not the HOW but the WHO.

Reference: John 9

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The Valley Of Dry Bones

I've been wanting to write about how inspiring the articles I've been reading from the mail sent by Rejoice Ministries to me everyday. It has helped me tremendously in my walk with God given the situation I am in right now. Come to think of it, I can't even remember who introduced me to Rejoice Ministries. Then the first article I read from this site was, "Didn't know how you got here? God lead you here that's why..." I felt my heart leaped. I went like, "God, is that You?" By the way, you might wonder what standers and prodigals are in my posts from here on. Standers are like me who stands in the gap for lost loved ones and won't stop praying until they go back to God and come home. Prodigals are the lost sheep.

This post may be longer than usual but please take time to read it. I assure you, it'll be worth your while.

Here's one inspiring article I've read. Remember, no matter what you're going through right now, Ezekiel 37: 1-14 is God's message for you today.
The prophet had been brought to the Valley of the Dry Bones and God said to him, "Son of man, can these bones live?" Isn't this exactly what we ask - can this seemingly dead marriage live? Is there any hope that this dead marriage can be resurrected? What mighty power can restore this broken relationship? God's mighty power can make your marriage live! For He has spoken and He will do it! In verses 4 and 5 it reads:

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: 'I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.' "

This is our promise from God. He will put breath in our dead marriages and they will come to life. He will take the dead, dry bones of our shattered relationships, knit them together again and breathe life into them. What the world has given up for dead will live again. And this will be for the Lord's renown. Reading further;

So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them." Ezekiel 37:7-8

How often have we been anxious for an answer to the "big prayer"? How often have we overlooked all the little prayers that God has answered? We need to be thankful for every step forward that the Lord gives us. Your resurrected marriage may be just where these bones are right now - covered with tendons and flesh but no breath. God is at work in your marriage resurrection right now. He might be connecting bone to bone or tendon to tendon. Or He might be in the process of covering your dead marriage with the flesh of His promises. Whatever stage your marriage resurrection is in right now, believe that He who has promised is faithful. In verses 9 and 10 we read;

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.'" So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet-a vast army."

This is a picture of what God wants to do for our marriages. He wants to breathe new life into them. He wants to put His breath in our lives and in the lives of our spouses. He wants us to be filled with the living, breathing Holy Spirit so that the enemy will not find a foothold. Then God gives His awesome promises in verses 11 through 14;

"Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.' Therefore prophesy and say to them: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: O my people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the and of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.'"

What an awesome promise for us! We say to our Lord, "Our hope is gone; we are cut off!" But God wants us to know that we can hope in Him - hope in the promise of His salvation and hope in His resurrection of our dead marriage. He will open the grave of your dead relationship and He will bring you up. He himself will take you by the hand and lead you out. You will shed the grave clothes and walk in His light once again. He will resurrect and restore that which has been stolen from you. And when this resurrection occurs, you will know that you are His people and He is your God. For he has spoken, and He will do it!

My friends, I pray to God that this post has inspired you to not give up on God. He is mighty to save. May we have faith and belief in our mighty awesome God, that He will breathe new life into our dead situation. May we rejoice that His resurrection promises are for us!