Forgiving Me

How do you forgive yourself?

I never would've thought about this until my friend Sylvia brought it up a few minutes ago. I confided in her what was troubling me and how I felt. She knew I was crying my eyeballs out last night because I left her a message on her answering machine. She noticed that I kept on bringing up the past and the person I used to be. She also noticed that although I've already asked God for forgiveness, I still have yet to forgive myself. And you know, she's right!

So how do you really forgive yourself?

A Word From The Master

Hi everyone! Hope you all had a Merry Christmas.

It's back to work for me. I don't really mind. I know there are a lot of things for me to look forward to. The past few days, I spent time with God at home reading His word and meditating on it. I spent my time praying and fasting. God did answer some of my questions and revealed to me an important truth that I needed to pray for.

I called up a friend, Baebs, which I usually do every now and then. She enthusiastically told me that God has spoken to her again about what she has been praying for (that's us) during her quiet time. She quoted a verse in the Bible.

"Therefore say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign LORD.' " Ezekiel 12:28

I was so excited to get a word from God again. And also, for the past days, these words have been like a broken record, beaming in my life's "TV screen," -- DON'T GIVE UP NOW!

God has also shown me that I have this unforgiveness still in my heart and Baebs told me to release it to God. I needed to forgive the one person who I love the most in this earth, the man God gave me to spend the rest of my life with. I graciously obeyed my Master. I remembered one preaching in church that even if I didn't feel like it, even if my mind says so otherwise, even if my feelings are rebelling, I need to obey what God says because that is His will for me. And God promised to redeem me. He who promised is faithful.

Thank You, Daystar

I feel jaded. I've tried everything but nothing worked. An hour ago I called Daystar TV for a prayer request. I watch this show everyday in our local cable channel. I dialed their number but my call was transferred to a voice recording. I left my number but didn't really expect them to call back. After an hour or so my phone rang. I was surprised to hear from one of Daystar's prayer partners. I didn't get the name of the guy who prayed for me, but he was so nice and accommodating. He didn't cut me off while I was talking nor rush me into prayer so he could hang up right away. So I went on telling him my prayer request. Our conversation went something like this.

Daystar: I wanted you to do something first before we start praying.

Me: Okay.

Daystar: Release anger, unforgiveness and feelings of rejection in your heart. Release them all.

He sounded as if he knew me! I mean, I didn't even realize those negative feelings still existed in my heart. I closed my eyes and started to picture "release" in my mind. He gave me verses to meditate on, there were a lot actually, but I didn't remember all of them. I just remembered one which was in Jeremiah 23:29 "Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD, "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?" Then he proceeded to pray for me in such a powerful way declaring Bible truths over me, my husband and my marriage. After praying,

Daystar: Call us back for a praise report. (He sounded happy)

Me: I will. (Maybe I didn't sound too convincing)

Daystar: You WILL call us back with a praise report. You will!

I was kinda stunned by his certainty but I was glad he said it in that manner.

Me: Most certainly I will. (With a smile on my face)

Daystar: Everything's gonna be alright. Keep saying that over and over again ok?

Me: I will. Thank you. God bless.

Daystar: God bless you too. Bye.

I hang up.

Thank you, Daystar. Thank you for believing with me.

I Forgive You

I have just been accused of getting something which I didn't know about, I have been called a liar, curse words have been thrown at me, I have been lied to and the list goes on. What do I do with all of these? Accept them? Certainly not! I don't need filthy scums in my front yard, not now, not ever! Clearly, this person has been harboring ill feelings toward me and my husband all these years and it has been so rooted in this person's heart.

I have been ministered to by people at church the day after that incident because I wasn't just upset, I was furious! The only thought that was spinning in my head that time was REVENGE! Thank God for my church mates, they helped me get hold of myself and reminded me that it's not my battle but the Lord's. I've decided to release this person to God because I didn't want the enemy to use this as a foothold in my life. Forgiving someone doesn’t justify or make right the wrong they did, but I want to be released from anger that could result to bitterness if I didn't do anything about it.

God, help me with these battles. I am not giving up because You promised to never let me fall and that You will sustain me through it all. You promised to strengthen and uphold me. And I know Your promises to me will ALL come to pass because You are a faithful God.

I'm sure this will somehow get to the person who did this to me because somebody's been reading my blog who's very much related to that person. So let me just go on and say -- I FORGIVE YOU!

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:24,25

Forgiveness

In the book I'm reading now, there's this topic about forgiveness and I thought why not write something about it. It's the one thing I've had a really hard time dealing with. It has been my perennial struggle even when I took my christianity seriously. Forgiveness was a far out thought for me. I just couldn't put two and two together like having to forgive someone who's not even asking for your forgiveness. Why would I have to forgive somebody who did me wrong and whom I despise so much? It just doesn't make sense.

Little did I know that forgiveness is not really given to free the other person from a grudge (well, that's part of it), but moreover, it's for my own healing! I've learned that forgiveness is a choice and a decision you make. That you can't wait for yourself to feel like forgiving because it's not going to happen ever. Our nature is to seek revenge, not to forgive. During one of our church's activities which is being done yearly (you only need to attend once), there was this session where I have to forgive those I have an animosity with. I have to renounce all bitterness that I hold in my heart. I became stiff. I just couldn't do it. No way! Thank God for Tess, my cell leader, who was so patient with me. She helped me face my "monster". I was sweating. I was jittery. I thought I heard voices telling me not to do it. But when I finally was able to release all of them, whose names were written on my little note pad, I felt calmness around me.

Well, that was just the beginning. It's God's grace that I am freed from it daily.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15