All my life I was often referred to as too thin. Honestly, I didn't mind. I got so used to hearing that a lot that I fully accepted the fact that I'm thin and I'll always be that... Thin. I didn't suffer from a poor self image growing up. I liked myself the way I was and I felt like probably gaining a little bit of weight won't hurt. Somehow, I had a little bit of allowance or space for myself to adjust weight freely as I desired.
Fast forward... Unfortunately, I had an SLE episode which I thought was non-existent until I got really sick. For months I didn't know what's going on with me. I've been experiencing depression, memory loss, mood swings that have gone whack, hair loss, anxiety attack, skin rashes, irritability, fever that wouldn't go away.
Let us first define what SLE is for those (at least on my side of the fence) who don't know that such a traitor exists and is beginning to wave it's banner quite a lot in this day and age.
Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE), or lupus, is an autoimmune disease in which a person's immune system attacks various organs or cells of the body, causing damage and dysfunction. Lupus is called a multi system disease because it can affect many different tissues and organs in the body. Some patients with lupus have very mild disease, which can be treated with simple medications, whereas others can have serious, life-threatening complications. Lupus is more common in women than men, and for reasons that are not precisely understood, its peak incidence is after puberty.
While lupus is a chronic illness, it is characterized by periods when the disease activity is minimal or absent (remission) and when it is active (relapse or flare). The outlook (prognosis) for patients with lupus today is much better than years ago because of greater awareness and more accurate tests leading to earlier diagnosis and treatment as well as more effective and safer medications.
Since I'm taking steroids to control the flare up, I gained a lot of weight. I gained so much weight that most of my clothes don't fit me anymore. It does give me an excuse to go shopping though. I know it's just temporary and when I'm up and about, I'd lose all these unwanted pounds and go back to living a normal life.
2011 & 2012
In the meantime, I just have to get used to this. Another downside to this sickness is that my feet and palms hurt from time to time. My feet used to be size 6. Now they're size 8. They grew bigger because of the steroids. And because I feel pain and discomfort, I now walk like a penguin. I also have to wear a mask when I'm out. I have to use sunscreen all the time. These changes are essential and with God's grace, I'm beginning to get used to it.
Having this sickness is very hard, but even if the doctors said that treatment will be lifetime, I've decided to listen to what God says. Fact is I'm sick. Truth is I'm healed. Which report will I believe? Well, I decided to listen to God's truth. Healing is mine.
As I've always said, my life is in God's hands and not my will but His will be done.
